Stay-At-Home Mom OD's on Rock Band 2

Headline: "Stay-At-Home Mom OD's On Rock Band 2"

Draper, UT - Late Wednesday night, officials found a stay-at-home mother of three paralyzed in her Draper home from an apparent attempt to achieve "Expert" status while playing the lead guitar on a FooFighters song in Rock Band 2. Officials found the mom frozen in a standing position holding her cherished Fender guitar, eyes glazed over, one hand with her fingers cripled tightly around the upper frets of the guitar, and the other hand raised over her head in the universal "rock on" hand signal. She was surrounded by several empty Diet Coke cans and crumpled up bags of "healthy" sweet potato tortilla chips (see story on Oprah's dramatic weight gain.)

Friends say the mom began her addiction to Rock Band early last year, but ever since her husband began working late nights during the week, the mother seemed to become more and more obsessed with perfecting her new craft. Over the past few weeks, neighbors recall overhearing extremely loud versions of songs like "Livin of Prayer," "Today" and "Give It Away" and even considered calling child protective services until they heard her girls cheering her on and calling her their "hero."

It is unknown whether or not the 36-year old mom will recover and once again attempt this amazing feat. She is currently in Rock Band rehab, taking time away from the game and doing the healthy, productive things she used to do with her time in the evenings before games like Rock Band and Guitar Hero were invented: watching educational shows like 24, American Idol, The Biggest Loser, American Idol again, Lost, American Idol yet again, The Office, etc. etc.

To be continued . . .