Pay It Forward

You know those days when you feel like you're just a tiny, busy little ant scrambling around the world - unnoticed, insignificant? Punching the time clock of life, same thing day in and day out? I know, I know ... we're all special, all children of God, I know. But I also know that you know exactly what I'm talking about. And today was just such a day for me ..... until I got to the check out line at WalMart.

Eric had the girls tonight and I had stopped in to get Halle's birthday gifts for tomorrow (can't believe my baby's turning 5!) I actually wasn't feeling too hot and was anxious to get through the checkout line and get home, when I realized that I had made the fatal mistake of picking the absolute longest, slowest checkout line in the store - maybe on the planet! So I parked myself on my shopping cart, pulled out my Iphone to check email and made myself comfortable. I was committed to sticking it out in this line if it was the last thing I ever did.

The lady ahead of me started to unload her 576 items onto the checkout belt, and I, of course, sighed. After 10 minutes or so had gone by, I looked up from my phone to see how everything was moving along, and I noticed that the woman had a toddler with her, and also noticed that they both seemed a little disheveled. After a few more minutes, when it came time for her to pay, I saw her pull out her WIC coupons. A year ago I wouldn't have even known what those were or what they looked like, but as soon as I saw them I felt an instant tug at my heart.

After our sudden move back to Salt Lake from St. George last summer and Eric moved out, I had literally no money to my name. No credit cards, no real help from Eric yet and had to accept help from family and friends, which was so unbelievably hard - words can't even describe....

So as I set about trying to get a decent full-time job as quickly as I could, I was told that I should at least sign up for WIC coupons for free milk, veggies, cereal, etc. which is available to families with children under five. So I did. I didn't know how long our situation would be that grim, and I would do anything for my girls, no matter how humiliating it seemed at the time. I remember how embarrassed I felt when I had to pull them out and how awful it was when you had the wrong brand and they made you go back and get the right one. Well that's what was happening to the lady in front of me, which was now causing everyone to wait even longer than they already had.

Then to make matters worse, she went to go pay for the rest of her groceries and her debit card didn't go through because she couldn't remember the pin number. She ended up having to wait off to the side to call someone at home to get the right pin number, and the cashier had me go ahead and ring my stuff up.

After I paid, I'd been line line so long that I asked the cashier if she could watch my cart for a minute while I ran to the restroom real quick (I'd polished off my water bottle before I went in the store and it was catching up to me!) I started thinking to myself as I entered the restroom "if that lady's still there when I get back and hasn't been able to pay for her groceries, I need to pay for them for her."

So I hurried and when I came back out, she was gone, and I was bummed. I felt like I missed my chance. I then had a distinct impression come over me that if I see her again, I need to help her. I went out to the parking lot and couldn't see her anywhere. I got to my car and started loading my stuff in, bummed that I'd missed my chance. Then I noticed her there .... unloading groceries into her car that was parked right next to me on the passenger side of my car.

I hurried and fished through my purse, pulled out the $100 WalMart gift card that some anonymous friend or neighbor gave us for Christmas that I've been saving for a rainy day, and ran over to her. I told her it was for her - not from me, but from someone who cares about moms like us. I told her I'd been where she is and that she's very loved, and before we knew it we were standing there hugging and crying. I hurried and ran and got in my car and drove away. I didn't want her to know my name or anything. I just wanted her to feel the amazing, unconditional love that I felt when that card was given to me.

So thank you Secret Santas, wherever you are, for giving me, and now that other mom .... hope, and a chance to pay it forward