Annie & Kate: Mommy misses you!

The conversation here, now that you're gone all day, is a little, ummm . . . lacking. Can anyone say "looney bin?"

Weekend with the Smith side of the family

Here are a few pictures from our weekend with the Smith side of the family. Eric's brother Josh married his wonderful girlfriend Kortny and Annie & Kate got to be flower girls. We all got to visit Linda's grave together on Saturday which was really special. What a great family we have!

The First Grade blues . . . for Mommy!

Kate and Annie started first grade today, and let me just say that I've been a little emotional today - to say the least! I felt like my life was flashing before my eyes and that it all just came and went to fast (as if it's all over - my work is done, right?) I know I'm acting a little crazy, but I guess I'm just realizing how truly precious all of those little moments were that I took for granted.



"On Being Mom" by Anna Quindlen

If not for the photographs, I might have a hard time believing they ever existed. The pensive infant with the swipe of dark bangs and the black-button eyes of a Raggedy Andy doll. The placid baby with the yellow ringletsand the high piping voice. The sturdy toddler with the lower lip that curled into an apostrophe above her chin.

All my babies are gone now. I say this not in sorrow but in disbelief. I take great satisfaction in what I have today: three almost-adults, two taller than I am, one closing in fast. Three people who read the same books I do and have learned not to be afraid of disagreeing with me in their opinion of them, who sometimes tell vulgar jokes that make me laugh until I choke and cry, who need razor blades and shower gel and privacy, who want to keep their doors closed more than I like.

Who, miraculously, go to the bathroom, zip up their jackets and move food from plate to mouth all by themselves. Like the trick soap I bought for the bathroom with a rubber ducky at its center, the baby is buried deep within each, barely discernible except through the unreliable haze of the past

Everything in all the books I once pored over is finished for me now. Penelope Leach, T. Berry Brazelton., Dr. Spock. The ones on sibling rivalry and sleeping through the night and early childhood education, all grown obsolete. Along with Goodnight Moon and Where the Wild Things Are, they are battered, spotted, well used. But I suspect that if you flipped the pages dust would rise like memories

What those books taught me, finally, and what the women on the playground taught me, and the well-meaning relations -- what they taught me was that they couldn't really teach me very much at all. Raising children is presented at first as a true-false test, then becomes multiple choice, until finally, far along, you realize that it is an endless essay. No one knows anything. One child responds well to positive reinforcement, another can be managed only with a stern voice and a timeout. One boy is toilet trained at 3, his brother at 2. When my first child was born, parents were told to put baby to bed onhis bellyso that he would not choke on his own spit-up. By the time my last arrived, babies were put down on their backs because of research on sudden infant death syndrome.

To a new parent this ever-shifting certainty is terrifying, and then soothing.Eventually you must learn to trust yourself. Eventually the research will follow

I remember 15 years ago poring over one of Dr. Brazelton's wonderful books on child development, in which he describes three different sorts of infants: average, quiet, and active. I was looking for a sub-quiet codicil for an 18-month-old who did not walk. Was there something wrong with his fat little legs? Was there something wrong with his tiny little mind? Was he developmentally delayed, physically challenged? Was I insane? Last year he went to China. Next year he goes to college. He can talk just fine. He can walk, too.

Every part of raising children is humbling, too. Believe me, mistakes were made. They have all been enshrined in the Remember-When-Mom-Did Hall of Fame. The outbursts, the temper tantrums, the bad language, mine, not theirs. The times the baby fell off the bed. The times I arrived late for preschool pickup. The nightmare sleepover. The horrible summer camp. The day when the youngest came barreling out of the classroom with a 98 on her geography test, and I responded, What did you get wrong? (She insisted I include that.) The time I ordered food at the McDonald's drive-through speaker and then drove away without picking it up from the window. (They all insisted I include that.) I did not allow them to watch the Simpsons for the first two seasons...What was I thinking?

But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of them sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.

Even today I'm not sure what worked and what didn't, what was me and what was simply life. When they were very small, I suppose I thought someday they would become who they were because of what I'd done. Now I suspect they simply grew into their true selves because they demanded in a thousand ways that I back off and let them be.

The books said to be relaxed and I was often tense, matter-of-fact and I was sometimes over the top. And look how it all turned out. I wound up with the three people I like best in the world, who have done more than anyone to excavate my essential humanity. That's what the books never told me. I was bound and determined to learn from the experts.

It just took me a while to figure out who the experts were.

Just Say No . . . . Licking

So the other night it was Eric's turn to tell the girls a story before bed, and for whatever reason his story included the mention of some bad guys that were on "drugs." Of course, the girls had to jump in and ask him "Daddy, what are drugs?" So Eric, trying to be a resonsible Dad and use this as a teaching moment, tries to give them a simple explanation about how they are bad for you, they make you not want to stop taking them, they're all you think about, they will ruin your life, yadda, yadda, yadda.

So after he's given what he thought was a pretty great explanation and had hopefully scared them silly from ever even thinking about drugs, Kate sat there for a moment in deep thought, then raises her hand and asks "what if we just lick 'em?"

Uuuuuuggghhh! I hate this stupid blogging thing!

Can you tell that I've developed a little "blogging" addiction? I decided that I wanted to learn how to create my own page layouts and digital headers, and boy did I open up a can of worms! What was I thinking?

Right now I'm thinking I need to STOP with trying to create a design I like, and just start blogging, which was supposedly the reason I started doing this in the first place.

It's interesting to me how closely this process is resembling my life lately: diverting myself with trivial things to avoid talking about the things that really matter. I have so many thoughts in my head and so many experiences with my kids and my family that I should be writing down, and instead I'm sitting here trying to master "html code" and Photoshop design! Janice, Janice, Janice - when are you ever going to learn?

I promise from here on out to spend more time writing and less time designing and obsessing. Well, just as soon as I can get this one page just right - THEN I'll be good. I promise!!!

Jan's Celebrity Look-A-Likes

The girls first "hijacked" lemonade stand

The other day the girls came running in from the park and asked me if I had some poster and a marker so they could make a sign. They said they needed a "pointer" sign for cars to see their lemonade stand. Since I wasn't aware of any lemonade stand being sponsored by our family that particular day, I asked them what they were talking about. Kate said "there's this "little" kid (her same age) who has a lemonade stand but nobody's buying lemonade so we're going to make a sign to help him sell his lemonade." So I figured the "little kid" knew about their generous offer and I helped them make the sign. As I watched them walk across the street with their sign and set it up in front of the lemonade stand, I hear them arguing with the "little kid."

Turns out the "little kid" had never met Annie and Kate before and had definitley not invited them to become "partners" in his little venture. But Kate convinced him that their sign would help him sell more lemonade and that he could have it if he would just give them some lemonade for free.

I've now got her working on some advertising trade deals with Nordstrom, Pottery Barn and Target - wish us luck!

"Thay Cheeeeeeth"

Kate pulled one of her front teeth out last week and I forgot to post this picture.

He Ain't The Leavin' Kind

I think I forgot to post my pictures from the Rascall Flatts concert that Abby and Jason treated me to last month and the AWESOME 4th row floor seats we had (we actually got to high five the lead singer!!!!)

What made me think of this today was that one of the last songs they played was "He Ain't The Leavin' Kind" and they had the whole stage full of marines - simply awesome

I hadn't really heard the song before and thought it was obviously about America and our committment to finishing the war, but then Abby told me to really listen to the words and that I'd know who it was really about.

Listen to this song (it's the on my playlist below) and just TRY not to get choked up!

We're sooooo Lost!

Eric and I made the mistake of renting the first season of Lost a few weeks ago, and needless to say we haven't had much of a social life since. Tonight we just finished the most recent episode from this season and I feel like I'm just as confused as I was after the first episode!

I guess that's what makes it such a great show - not to mention this hunk-o-love!

Oops, I'm so sorry, I meant THIS hunk-0-love!!!

Idol Gives Back (and guilts Kate & Annie into sending money to Africa!)

The girls felt so bad for the kids who are dying in Africa, that they went to their piggy banks and got some money to mail to Africa. Note the two paper airplanes Kate wanted to include with the money, and the letters that say "we love you" and "we pray for you." So sweet!

Mom's Treasure Hunt - by Kate and Annie

Is this cute or what? For their birthday last week, I did a little treasure hunt for the girls to find their presents, and I guess they liked it, because now they're into planning treasure hunts for everyone who comes over. These were the first of two of their "clues" I found.

Translation: "Okay Mom, your first clue is on the washing machine." "Your second clue is on the 'Words Are Not For Hurting' book."

There are usually about 10 clues that have you going up and down the stairs each time, so I'm hoping to actually loose a few pounds if this keeps up!

Kate & Annie turn 6!!!

Halle's 2nd Birthday Party

Annie receiving the Draper Elementary "Principal's Pride" award

Piece of cake?!?!?!

So I was in charge of our releif society's annual birthday party last week and I decided I wanted to make one of the cakes for dessert. This is my first attempt at using fondant. The theme was Alice in Wonderland, so it was supposed to look a little topsy turvy. I'm actually proud of it, even though it didn't taste very good (the inside was fine - just the fondant tastes nasty!) Not bad for only spending 7 hours baking and decorating a cake. I think next time I will just stick with Betty Crocker!

Kate - Star Student of the Week

Make a scrapbook - it's easy!

All I Want For Chrithmas . . .

Well - Annie lost her two front teeth yesterday! Not at the same time - Dad pulled one out on Thursday night, and although the other one really needed to come out too, Annie wasn't havin' any of that. So for a little while, at least, she looked like Mader from Cars, which was cute and a little disturbing all at the same time.
She finally let Dad pull out the second tooth yesterday, but only after he promised to buy her a disco ball and take her to the driving range today (whatever happened to wanting a Barbie?)

Double Trouble!!!

Yesterday I was having one of those days with Halle where I was feeling overwhelmed and just constantly picking up after her and cleaning up messes. Then I came across these pictures of Annie and Kate and realized that I really shouldn't be complaining - one is easy compared to two!

Annie - Star Student of the Week!

Make a scrapbook - it's easy!